Of course we worry. People who love each other are going to worry about each other, that’s how it goes. We’ve all been worried about each other at some point and nobody here thinks you’re weak Connor, including me. I know you’ve had moments of vulnerability but that doesn’t suddenly make you weak or that you cave in at the slightest trouble. You are strong, you are resilient but you’re also sensitive and compassionate person. If anything that makes you stronger than you would be otherwise be.
…Connor, I like Kale. I do, I’ve grown quite fond over him. But it was still his decision to leave and not yours. Sometimes regardless of the promises we make or what we say we have to let go of it when the person is no longer around. Not all promises we break are our fault.
You need to stop thinking you have to fix everything and that if you can’t somehow it’s your fault. Sometimes life just has to play out.
Leaving wasn’t Kale’s decision. I’m not going to tell you everything I know because his departure is a very sensitive subject for him, and it is for me, too. Yes, I thought he had left of his own volition, and that killed me, tormented me for months, but I was wrong, and honestly, I should’ve never thought he would’ve left us like that without someone else’s involvement, and — I’ve said too much.
Maybe, I shouldn’t fault myself for taking everything at face value and thinking he left because I couldn’t provide for him. He came back, though, and he came back for a reason. He came back for me and for Lottie. He didn’t anticipate that something would’ve happened. If he’d been here the entire time, I don’t know what would’ve gone down. Maybe, you would now be in his position. He lost someone in his family, too. It destroyed him. That’s why he had to go away, because someone saw that he needed more help than I or Lottie could give him, but I’m saying too much, again.
I can’t do this, Elijah. Don’t expect me to do this. Don’t make me choose. I can’t. We’re together, but don’t think it’s because I’ve made a choice, because I haven’t, at all, and try to understand what this is like for him. He’s not going to make me choose. He’d rather make that choice himself and he’d never put himself first, and that’s another reason that I worry. I’ve spoken to him as much as I can without getting too emotional. I’ve told him that I want him in my life, forever, and I do. I want that so badly, and I will find a way. I know there are ways, but I can’t put one of you before the other, even when we do make our claim. I hope you can understand that, even if it makes no sense.
I think there is a very good resemblance. it is missing something though.
A gorgeous mermaid? Perhaps some mermen to escort her to her prince?
You need to stop trying to figure this out on your own or deal with it like it’s yours to burden alone. You can lean on me and Lottie, we’re here to help you no matter what. Regret is part of being human, we all have it Connor. You, me, everybody regardless of how happy or perfect their lives may seem on the outside. We all make mistakes and if life was the kind of thing where we could go back and have a second go at it, then things would be a lot different.
But can you imagine the person you’d be if you didn’t make those mistakes? You would have never learnt anything, you wouldn’t have become the man you are today. Sometimes from great sadness can come evolution and clearly you have become the person you were always destined to be. A kind, compassionate and loving man who I get to proudly say I get to love for the rest of my life.
I don’t care what those people say and neither should you, they shouldn’t even be on your radar. You’ve told me countless times that the people who claim I’m cruel or manipulative and undeserving of you are full of it and this is no different. What matters is what you feel, what you think without their poisonous influence. Someone is always going to get hurt Connor, that’s sadly just the way life is. We’ve all been hurt, been broken to an extent but we’re all here and we keep going.
Then hold onto me, hold onto Lottie and to Kale and whatever comes next we’ll face it head on together. You’re not alone, you’re never going to spend a moment of your life from now on alone. We’re here. I promise.
I know you’re here for me, and I’m glad that I know and trust you are here. I just don’t want to worry you. You worry when I get like this. You all worry. That’s not the only thing I love about you, either, because you all never give up on me. I just wish I could say I’ve never been the one to be weak, but I can’t. Not at all. You know all too well how fragile I can be — as do Lottie and Kale. But I want to be strong and resilient. I want to give you — all of you — everything that I’ve promised and more. I don’t see how I can, now. Not now. Not when it’s been exactly a year since I first promised Kale that I would claim him. That’s what has me so easy to upset, Elijah. I promised him.
Can’t say that I won’t look. I’ll peek through parting fingers. So I’ll apologize now.
As party co-host, I think it’s my job to cover-up my bare essentials.
It wasn’t me I swear, but I can’t deny I wouldn’t mind that.
I think we need to start shutting the blinds at night.
I mean, this might be response to my naked roaming at 5 o’clock in the morning.
PM: Hey, Lottiepop. I think it would be great to have them over. It’s so sweet of you to help them. I have no qualms with you making friends and helping people, baby girl. Thank you for asking me. I know I’m terrible at remembering to ask before, well, offering up a bed to someone, though I don’t think either of us mind him being here. I love you, all of you, so much.